Dave writes: It seems that when times are the toughest, I think about God more and pray for His deliverance from the mountain of crap I put mysef in............After seventeen years of struggling to ACCEPT that I have depression, I think I have finally hit that rock bottom I keep hearing about. My current situation NOW is that I am living with a friend and his girl in a studio apartment because I screwed up and went off my meds for over two years. I ignored numerous symptoms and the disease progressed until it had full control of my brain. It had full control of my lif. I lost the most prescious person to ever come into my life because of it.I lost everything! My house. My family. EVERYTHING THAT I EVER CAREED ABOUT!..........................................It is a viscous, horrible thing to go through, realizing that every bit of pain I feel, I have caused. Not to mention the people that I hurt emotionally around me. Everything that I loved. GONE! ...........................Because I refused to accept the fact that I need to stay on medication. Heck, it's only two stupid little pills in the morning and I'm done for the day. What's the problrm?...............................I wish I knew! Right now, I MUST look forward. I will try to pick up the pieces of my shattered life and go forward. Making amends to the people that I hurt along the way. I am currently med compliant. I am currently in a day hospital program where I am learning how to manage an illness that I will have for the rest of my life. I will continue with a therapist when the hospital program is complete. I want, desperately, to get my girl back. She says she will have an open mind to our future together, but I must heal first. She needs healing also. The time we are spending apart will hopefully let us see the love that we share together. I will and must do anything I can to restore my life. I will fix my head and the rest will fall into place. PLEASE GOD! HEAL MY LIFE! SHOW ME THE WAY! PLEASE GOD I CAN'T TAKE THIS "LIFE" LIKE THIS ANYMORE!
MAKING DAVE BETTER LETTER 1
Dave writes: Thanks for the encouragement. I "screwed the pooch" big time and I find myself constantly beating myself up over it. The woman I emotionally hurt has had trust issues in the past and I believe I lost her forever. I know these are what would be considered distorted thinking but that is where my head is at right now. I pray that she finds peace.
MAKING DAVE BETTER LETTER 2
Mental distortion is the Key Phrase there Dave. When a person has a chemical imbalance (serotonin) in the brain, you have to suspect just about every "over the counter" drug that works for most everyone else. Ultimately you have to find what makes DAVE healthy! Even Coffee & caffeinated products. One of the absolute WORST episodes I ever had was a result of drinking a lot of coffee and it caused an immediate Lithium dump out of my bloodstream. I went into severe DT's (delirium tremens) and had to be hospitalized for 3 days. That was back in 1996 I think. If I had had any heart problems it would have finished me. I use biofeedback once in a while. I close my eyes, raise my hands beside me, outward, and imagine excess power going out of my fingertips. It's very calming, settling. My reason for writing you and others about these things is that you need to understand that what is "wrong" with you is -actually- a very powerful gift. That means a lot of people may have difficulty dealing with you, especially once you find your power. Most people and health professionals do not understand what causes these mental "illnesses" because, for one thing, they keep calling them an ILLNESS. What they really are is people with very powerful brains that need lots of oxygen!... and are not getting it. That's why you make weird distorted decisions about all kinds of things there Dave. The illness is not your fault. It's this World that has been building so many car engines etc that the vehicles are using up the oxygen that should be going into our brain, and the problems you are having is from oxygen deprivation. A lot of people nowadays also suffer from Panic Attacks, and that's the same thing. When the brain senses a low oxygen state it causes a person to go into wild Panic, which then triggers an emergency adrenalin dump which FORCES THE PERSON TO BREATHE MORE DEEPLY. The brain senses it is nearing impending brain death from lack of oxygen and throws people into a life-sustaining panic. Dave, once you start doing a few tricks correctly, getting more oxygen and some correct nutrition, your issues should begin to level out over a few months. Only then can you even think about restoring any failed relationships. What you might consider doing is writing or calling the other person, explain you're on a new aggressive program that should help you get "straight", and ask her to wait and think about giving you another chance. But Dave, you have got to get Dave well first.
MAKING DAVE BETTER LETTER 3
Dave, I have found some health products that have extra oxygen. One is called Oxy-Nectar. This link: www.vitaglo.com has it. There's more links here. There is also several very simple exercises you can do to increase the oxygen being carried into the brain. There's blowing up balloons for one. Blowing into a balloon sets up a "back pressure" of oxygen into the lungs and makes more oxygen molecules dissolve into the blood platelets. It's a similar effect to swimming underwater. The water above you presses down on your body while you're HOLDING YOUR BREATH and that causes lots of oxygen to diffuse into your bloodstream as it pumps thru the lungs. While I don't swim, I've also tried whenever I go to walk up some steps, I first take a half full breath of air and see how many steps I can go up before having to take another breath. These little tricks will get you back Dave. Uhm, your IQ may pump up some. I remember back when I first took Oxy-Nectar I spent the next 3 days writing up over 10 new inventions and writing new webpages. Once your brain starts getting the nutrition (oxygen is also nutrition), you will get better. And a little chocolate now and then helps too. But as you do all these things, and as I said before, you may notice your meds begin fighting with you because you're trying to raise your health above the point they're trying to hold you down to. So Dave, you may gradually want to start cutting your meds in two. YOUR health Dave. It's YOUR responsibility. Only YOU can find the path that works for you because you are unique. Science hasn't made a Dave Pill yet.
The problem, Dave? The problem is YOU know there's Nothing wrong with you AND you don't need pills to live. The Problem? YOU know, Dave, deep inside you, YOU KNOW, that your Body has the capacity to be Healthy... and deep inside you knew ALL ALONG THE PROBLEM WAS EXTERNAL !